i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
