She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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