Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
