bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
