Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
