Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize