so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
