Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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