my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
