One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
