do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
