just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
