A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
