that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
