he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
