apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
