Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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