I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
