he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
