but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drake has all the answers
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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