i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
