Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
