So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I skipped work to stalk him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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