my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Couch. On fire.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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