i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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