T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
