I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
