my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
