omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
