Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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