i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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