So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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