and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
