There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
how does that bad decision feel?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
