I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
