Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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