If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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