Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
