Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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