last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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