Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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