I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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