Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
