I just pynch a tree in the face
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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