did you get engaged???
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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