at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize