I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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