If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
