Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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