he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
