i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
