I'm pants shitting drunk right now
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
