i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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