This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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