Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
