My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
