At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
