Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
