You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
