We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
