So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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