Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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