i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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