My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
