peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i now understand why vodka
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
