I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize