I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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