Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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