I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
