mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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