is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
